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Let’s get to the line edit.
Stars Beget Brighter Stars; or, The Aftershock story opening
It was full dark this night, with an air of judgment. Sora clenched her fists within the pockets of her frock, [and] avoid[ed]ing the narrowed eyes of passersby. Her nerves swore everyone knew where she was going and would call her out for it.
Excellent first line. Work it over once more—it feels like you can cut a word or two to make it watertight.
She swooped [paused] into a shadowed doorway to catch her breath. Was this really worth her reputation? Was he worth it?
He said it was important. She would be the judge of that.
This moment of introspection gives us the readers a pause too. “Swooped” didn’t fit the tone of the moment.
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