Developmental Edit #3

Speculative fiction pacing and retitle

Our next developmental edit is on a writing sample from Richard, a literary, speculative, and horror writer and poet.

Richard immediately earned bonus points with us by sending in 461 words rather than a flat 500-word sample that cuts off mid-paragraph. We’re sure that means we can look forward to a breakoff that makes us want to keep reading.

Let’s edit.

“In My Skin” story opening

After I dragged Parker out to the beach on my old shark skin, [where] the cold salt spray of the surf woke him. He sputtered,. and hHis eyes darted in confusion while the skin wrapped itself tightly around his body. The long snout and serrated teeth finished sealinged over his head before he could scream.

It takes us a moment to get orientated in the first two sentences—setting, names, activity—so we streamlined with tiny line edits to help us take it all in.

“…sealing over his head before he could scream.” The last line of the opening paragraph is a good one. It makes us lean forward and want to hear more.

At this early point in the story, the title also makes sense. “In My Skin” is literal in this case, but we realize it’s fantastical only once we’ve dived into the story. If we were staring at a Table of Contents, looking for a story to read, this title wouldn’t jump out at us. Let’s see if we can brainstorm some alternatives for Richard.